What I’ve been tempted to post most recently…

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk just found a Dollar General store that sells faux Vera Bradley handbags for $8! That’s right — you’re all getting one for Christmas!”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk wonders why Ana has decided to start licking people as a form of greeting.”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk is sad that LeBron James didn’t make it to the finals this year… mainly because she’ll miss the puppet version of him who was always throwing the powder up in the air. Love those Kobe and LeBron puppets, y’all!”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk is thinking that Emma needs some cheese to go with her whine.”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk is convinced that she’ll never be able to run more than three miles at a time. At least not without the aid of an oxygen tank.”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk, sadly enough, sometimes feels left out when Ana and Emma chat in the Emmaese language. I just can’t translate, ‘Ooh bee, donna wanna eaahhh? Bwah, ha, ha, ha!’ Ana will just look at me, mid-giggle, and give a general translation like, ‘Emma is so silly, Mommy!’ I got that, but what did she say!?!”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk has been trying to finish reading the same book for two months now. The book gets picked up, and my children take it as their signal to turn into wild monkeys.”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk thinks that Dora was created in an effort to needlessly frustrate parents. Can’t. Get. Annoying. Dora. Songs. Out. Of. My. Head!!!”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk is experiencing what she experiences every year before VBS — total panic that she is unprepared for the hordes of children that will be coming to her room! AHH!!! I’m now transitioning to the ‘just teach them Bible and have fun, stupid’ phase of this panic. Ahh…”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk literally had to scrub Em’s feet tonight before putting her down for bed. They were so stinky that the normal bathtime footwashing was inadequate. Eegads, girl! You smell like a teenage boy!”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk loves the Top 40 radio station we get here in Duncan. They keep playing all of these songs that were popular from my college days… which means they’re not really Top 40, seeing as how they’re ten years old and all. Hmm. Oh, well, I still enjoy it!”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk really misses that wonderful park that was just a couple of kilometers from her house in Okinawa.”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk still can’t believe that she’s married to the greatest guy she’s ever known.”

“Jennifer Yawn Faulk is blessed. Tired. But blessed.”