We’ve been on Olympic Overload here at the Faulk house. I probably wouldn’t be able to tolerate this much sports coverage in such a heavy dose on a normal basis, but seeing as how it only happens once every four years, I’m all good. During this season, though, I’ve wondered some things.

For instance…

– In equestrian events, who gets the medal? The one doing all the leaping, running, and sweating is the horse. You mean, the HUMAN gets the medal? What does the horse get? Nothing? That just doesn’t seem right, y’all. Get that horse some horse bling!

– Why is it that everyone was bemoaning Michael Phelps’s poor showing this Olympic games? Didn’t he win more medals than any of us who were sitting on our couches yelling that he should have taken this more seriously? I declare that he, even though he didn’t win as many medals as he did in 2008, is STILL a better swimmer than any of us.

– And speaking of Michael Phelps, does anyone else find it suspect that he suddenly appears on the red carpet with an “aspiring model” girlfriend who would probably never look at him twice in the real world, especially given his goofy appearance and his clearly overbearing, overprotective, over-involved mother? It’s kinda like the bearded, scruffy guys on Duck Dynasty who look and act like they just literally crawled out of the bayou — how did these men end up with these gorgeous women?! It pays to be an Olympian.

– Still can’t figure out if the double amputee sprinter from South Africa was at an advantage or a disadvantage. Given that his joints are made of metal (titanium? steel?), I’m guessing that he doesn’t risk injury or deal with fatigue or exhaustion like the other athletes. Given that he has no legs, though… well, clearly he had some obstacles to overcome that the other sprinters never had to. This is a toughie, y’all.

– For a country that very few people are familiar with, Namibia had a real presence at this Olympics. But maybe that was because the Namibians I saw running finished right behind Americans in their events, so they were always shown on US television. I, for one, was super glad and bellowed, “Naaaaaaaahhhhh-miiiiiii-beeeeee-uhhhhhhh!” every time they did.

– Why is it that whenever I turned on my TV beach volleyball was (more often than not) the only sport being played? Was my TV broken? Where were the sports where women wear more than their underwear? “This is, like, the year of beach volleyball!,” I told Wes. “When will it end?!” I’m pretty sure they’ll still be playing semi-finals or quarter-finals in beach volleyball three weeks from now.

– We loved watching the slow motion replays of the sprinters. They looked fast enough in real time, but when you could see their mouths actually fill up with wind and their lips go all crazy in the playback, you realized they were actually going even faster than they appeared.

– I’m convinced that our female gymnasts, though they weigh probably thirty pounds less than me and are all about a foot and a half shorter than me, could beat the snot out of me if they decided to. I’d rather take my chances with the weightlifter who wore a “Running Sucks” shirt during her interview with NBC. (Although, even she was a linebacker on her high school football team, so my odds aren’t good there either!)

– Love how the Ethiopian woman who won the marathon kept looking over her shoulder at the very end of the race to see how close the others were. I do the same thing at my races. Of course, there’s never anyone behind me, but still. (Oh, I kid. There’s always someone back there!)

Here’s to 2016 in Brazil!