Safeguards



Yesterday, I posted about the potential pitfalls to both men and women in reading/watching books/movies/websites that are sensual.  I know we can all argue and disagree on what exactly fits into the category of “too far” and “too much,” and I know that if you’re caught in this particular stronghold, you’ll have plenty of self-reasoned justification for all that you allow yourself to enjoy.

So, I’m not going to argue that point with anyone.  What I will do, though, is speak hope and restoration to those of you who do struggle and want to be free of it.  Because there are ways you can get beyond this and safeguard yourself from falling into it again and again.  
Some steps you can take to keep yourself honest…

– Tell your spouse.  When men struggling with porn addictions come to Wes for counseling, he tells them to tell their wives.  Accountability with other men is okay, but it’s not nearly as effective as sharing your struggles with a spouse who has something at stake as well when it comes to your moral purity.  Will it be difficult to have these talks?  Yes.  Will it hurt her?  Yes.  Will her reaction make you all that more determined to never fall again?  Yes.  Which is why telling your spouse will be far greater accountability than telling anyone else.      

– Have your internet capable devices sync to your spouse’s.  In our house, we know that transperancy will keep theoretical, potential downfalls from becoming reality.  So, we go overboard with this.  Wes can’t look at anything anywhere – at work, on his iPad, on his phone – without his browsing history showing up on my phone.  And vice versa.  Do I trust my husband?  Absolutely.  Do I think that he calls himself to a higher standard online because he knows I can see what he’s looking at?  Absolutely.  That’s taking accountability a step further.  

– Share passwords for all of your personal, individual social networking sites and your email accounts with your spouse.  Wes’s email shows up in my inbox, and my email shows up in his inbox.  Work email, too?  Yes.  Again, less of a trust issue and more of an accountability issue. 

– Keep only one, shared Amazon account.  Every book I download gets sent to Wes’s devices as well, along with emails about the books I’ve ordered.  Same with my library account.  And he asks for specifics on books, about the content.  Does he trust me?  Yes.  Do I call myself to a higher standard of what I read because I know he can see it, too?  Absolutely.  

– Be honest with one another.  It’s no fun to be honest about things all the time.  Trust me.  Would I like to lie to Wes and tell him that I did not, in fact, eat the entire cookie jar full of Oreos while he was gone?  Yes, I would.  Pass me another Oreo.  Do I tell him anyway because I want him to help keep me honest about not eating the entire cookie jar full of Oreos?  Yes!  Thank you for the help, Wes!  We can’t be too honest with one another, and this is an area where honesty is even more important, no matter how difficult it seems.
I know that we seem crazy for doing these things and suggesting these things to others, but when the dangers are there for both men and women to fall into these temptations, it’s so helpful to have accountability and true transperancy with one another.  Can you be honest with yourself and your spouse and pursue purity together, as a team?

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